I think I've been watching Six Feet Under too much or something. The past two weeks I've been getting these really horrible nightmares. And not like nightmares where there's a monster chasing you or some unrealistic thing is happening to you. The nightmares feel so real and they are totally plausible which may be why I find them so scary. Everytime I think about someone throughout a day and how much I miss them and/or love them, when I go to sleep, they either die or do something so terrible to me in my dream that it just breaks my heart right in half. I have woken up from my sleep the past 5 nights crying. They are getting so much worse.

I don't know what else to do anymore. I can't even be happy in my dreams.

Our Island of Epidemics

Though really what we wanted was to obsess over more justifiable things we used to believe we cared about. Though really what we wanted was to obsess over our obsessions even more, enough to block out everything else completely.

And we made a decision: we pushed our obsessions away from us and stumbled through the park looking for the families we said we loved, groveling for our old jobs, old lives, while in the back of our minds our obsessions pushed against our brains like tumors we didn't want to want.

Why does the sun go on shining,
Why does the sea rush to shore.
Don't they know, it's the end of the world,
Cause you don't love me anymore.

Why do the birds go on singing,
Why do the stars glow above.
Don't they know, it's the end of the world,
It ended when I lost your love.

I wake up in the morning and I wonder.
Why everything's the same as it was.
I can't understand, no I can't understand,
How life goes on the way it does.

Why does my heart go on beating,
Why do these eyes of mine cry.
Don't they know, it's the end of the world,
It ended when you said goodbye.

Why does my heart go on beating,
Why do these eyes of mine cry.
Don't they know, it's the end of the world,
It ended when you said goodbye.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"