Shine on you crazy diamond

Hmm, so I guess I'll give an actual update instead of just quotes I see in music, books, movies, or tv shows that describe how I feel moreso than the words I can spit out.

It's been a very long summer and I thank the heavens that it's over. I got a job in June right after I finished school and it basically took over my life. I tried so hard to go out every night and still be able to wake up at 8am for 8 hours of work every day. And I did do just that but it lead to my imminent exhaustion. I soon realized that I can't be going out every night and call myself a functioning human being. So I stuck with just going out on weekends. And I did have plans for every weekend and it was great, something to look forward to. I was working for the weekend baby! I was having a good ole time.

I found myself traveling somewhere every weekend and never coming home. It was usually Baltimore, which has become my newfound love. I have some of the people I love most living in Maryland now AND it has such a good bar scene. I've never met so many friendly people as I have in Baltimore which is strange because of all the murder and stuff. When I'm not in Maryland, I'm hanging around a New Jersey bar somewhere with people who sure know how to have a good time.

But alas, with all these good times, at the end of the night I have nothing but bad vibes. The summer was a terrible time for me. I replaced all the sadness and emptiness I was feeling with alcohol, meaningless hookups, and fake smiles. I'm pretty positive I was clinically depressed and probably should have went to some sort of doctor about but what the fuck do they know about being happy.

I found it amazing that I could have been in a room filled with people and I still felt so incredibly lonely. So the summer got worse and worse and then the fall came and it was bittersweet, afterall it is my first fall I will not be in school. I miss it, I do. But I have to grow up at some point and realize that that time in my life is over and I have to move on to bigger and better things. Although I'm having a hard time finding the better.

I'm extremely tired all the time from work. I'm mentally exhausted. I seem to be in bed all the time when I'm not at work. It has come to the point that if I have made plans to go out during the week, I can't go home because if I do I'll go straight to bed. It's a monotonous life I live but I've been still trying to keep busy on weekends and stay social. Afterall, Mister Right is out there waiting for me! -_-

I'm getting surgery again this weekend for tumors they found in my breasts. I haven't told many people about it. And I only told 2 people about why I'm actually getting the surgery and I suppose it is sort of serious. I had a checkup earlier last week and the doctor told me that they found a tiny bit of cancer in the one tumor but it's such a small amount that they can remove it without it spreading and so that I wouldn't have to go on chemo. What a horrible thought. It's easier writing it then telling people. I also really don't want people worrying about it because everyone has their own problems, why the fuck should anyone have to deal with mine?

So that's been my life in a very small nutshell.
Anyway, how are you?